Your hollow bones rest easy on my guilty abstinence. He drowns where they grow the potion that will turn him into a beast. So I heard you left us. It pains me to see you gone. Draw from the heart and collapse the rest. Dream well.

Into your.

Did it feel good to watch me bleed? I resent. Present nothing. She wanted to get back at me for being me. Memory. My. Mind has been poisoned. My heart. Is shrinking. Soon it will not exist. I'm sorry. But it's not my fault. It was her it was her it was her. It was him it was him it was him. I cannot tell anymore. The mountain of lies. Never unravelled. What she gave me was fragments and then I am supposed to deconstruct. It is theory. Except this time it is my life I am trying to understand. My life as theory. Second Edition. No final edition yet. I would have to die. But if she fucks with my mind anymore than she has--it might just come. I. Am. The wind. What else did you do? Why is it? That I don't have. License to be insane? Where else did you go? Is it. Unlucky. Before. You were not. Supposed. Expose. Enjambent. Past. Affected the future. The future is the present. I am in the present, looking back. But all that. I feel. Is pain. There is confusion. Her selective memory only makes me angry. This diatribe has sponsors. That wish to remain anonymous. Media is taking over my feelings. Perhaps the television can tell me how to feel about her lies. Will she kill again? Will it only be metaphorical? Or like my dreams? In which many suffer, but I have no remorse. I am a machine. I am an automated pulley, bringing the world filth, tears and medicine. I can't cure. Myself. I need. And then you want to know. Why I am not the same. I am not. What you see. Is the. Future made present, affected by the past. Affected by actions. It could have been my fault. But it is difficult to tell. When all that you. Have is part of a narrative. It is difficult not to drown. I would not. Drown. Myself. I am your idol. I am all of your idols. I am the world's idol. But I am not Billy Idol. Thank Jehovah. Caravan to the planet that you came from. Bury me in its red earth when I die. But that is in the future. Which is not now. But it will be. Her voice. Pierced. My vomit. When I close my eyes. You are not what I saw. You do not need to prey. I can't control anything. The way you want. My emotions. Meant nothing. I am sorry that I cannot let go of the memories that poison me. I want to understand what is wrong with me. "What do you think I need?" Media. Creeping into my veins. Like the shots that keep taking away the people that I look up to. So you say that I am not here. Where else would I be? What is it that's here? That needs me to be here? What?.pause.-reject-Flog. So. Friends destroy. Not right. The path broken. Who is inside my head? Did you. Focussed on. A lack of desire. but. that is not the case? The language Controls. Feed me verbs. Action. INaction. This is not Basquiat. It is. My feelings. Wrapped into. One. Love. I can love. But I cannot think. I cannot be. HERe. When you keep burying me under all of the things that have to be done before you can decorate my tomb. Chase My alibi. This world. It does not heal. The way that we hoped it would. But it does make for great. Material. Isms. The point is not here. This is my sorrow. I think about the sorrow so that maybe the past will not kill the present and the future. Is that all there is? past, present and future? Lined up like lambs for slaughter? Close. React. The place where she. Her lies are. Placed. A need for. Burying. You can't bury them, but you have no problem burying me under. Dead language. Am I alright? Is not a question that I can answer. The aging. Metaphor. I do not know. Why. I cannot. Answer. The question. Is not something. I cannot see. The hole that I am in. Lay. Right. Never. A villain. Morphed. Who are you? You are not. When. The person that I met. Had. Another. Why am I the villain? My mind is. Slipping. I need the drugs. That you hid from me. The aftermath. Of. The last time. When. You. Were. Never. Euphoric. I cannot do that. I am just a MAN. Gender. Becomes an. Obstacle. I am not a man. I am. An obstacle. Baling. I can stay. Unfettered. My focus. Is. Here. Well dressed for a boy. I am glad that you do not listen to me. It is too painful to listen to me. A confusing. Year. Perhaps. Life. Vegetation. Oxygen. Sedative. I could not tell you what I am thinking to save my life. I do not know what to think. I did not know what to think. It may be the case that I will never know what to think. What I thought. Was important. But it was destroyed. And I doubt that it is coming back. It cannot be replaced. Something else can come along, but it is not a replacement it just is. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. and then he is gone. Not waking. He dreams. He was a dreamer and he is a dreamer now that he does not wake. I miss you. Is all. She. Wrote. End turmoil. Love nothing.