Did you ever want to just be?

The pilot light took mine.

Smelling pain.

A little bit this side of insane or maybe alot depending on which voice you ask. Sedate me, then shoot me. Shoot me, then take away my passion. I'd like to die with it, but if you have to take it--take it when I'm dead. When I'm not looking. When my ashes sail down the river--chasing all the dreams I had in life. Did you know I was awake when you stabbed me in the back? And that it wasn't my back? You couldn't see the way I could see, but it wasn't my back. You still can't see the way I can see, but you look mighty lonely hating me. I'm sure you'll find a friend or two along the way though. At least that's what a little voice in my head told me. The voice said that you'd find happiness and that I should stop enjoying misery. "It's bad for you!" it scorned and then another voice shot that voice. A war erupted and now they're all at war, but I take comfort in knowing that at least the hallucinations have left.

She's brave to make you wear that gas mask, I would have sat back and let you die. That's the problem with empathy, it kills your murder instinct. That's why I ripped my heart out years ago, but sometimes at night when no one's looking I sit in the corner and cry for all of the people I've killed. I'm tragic that way.

Resltless impotence. I could scream for days, but it wouldn't heal me, it wouldn't bring any closer to the equanimity I long to suffocate on. Loving nothing, so I can rest a few seconds before I go back on trial. I feel all of the fragmented pieces floating in different directions and leaving me on this island. Did I tell you I hear voices?

I had a dream I misinterpreted, I'm sorry that I shot you.

In retrospect. I'm not sure anymore.

Crawl. Unite the imperfections in your mind and maybe you will get a narrative, but you'll have to do it alone. Soothe. Expunge and retalliate. Tommorow was just another day, but if you listen closely you can hear all the places that I broke. No sense in misery. Doors closed. Friction numbed. Take a number. Sit down. Take notes. Fever. Burn me, not the witch.

Fall, break and roll because there is no other way to stop hemmoraging.

Live. Livers. Slivers of memories. You make me sad the way you stare at me in my memory, but thanks for making me feel alive--I needed that and nothing else. You don't have to come back now, it's too late anyway. I just hope you did alright and never stopped dreaming those angry dreams that made me fall madly in love you.

Wind. Leaves shuffle and he shuts the door. Memory remains. Stains

Spots, words and Hamlet, but still no cure for being me. I'll call you when I'm done or maybe you should just wait until I'm dead because I've got too much to say but only one life time to type.

So ill. Refined.

Refind and dream.

End hunger.

End End, but I still don't know who shot me.

Nuances and kisses for your pouty soul. Just don't forget the password and you'll be alright. Othewise you won't know when to stop. You won't know when to pull the lever and say,

"Enough."

Got tagged. What can I say?

Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. Photographer
2. Electronic Reference Assistant
3. Produce Boy
4. Sandwich Artist

Four movies I could watch over and over:
In order of favorites
1. Citizen Kane
2. Being There
3. The Godfather
4. Traffic

Four places I've lived:
1. Chicago, Illinois
2. Houston, TX
3. Hockley, TX
4. Vienne, France

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. Medium
3. House
4. The office

Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Israel
2. Guatemala
3. Barcelona
4. Venice

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Google
2. amazon.com
3. imdb.com
4. cnn.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Mom's Spaghetti
2. Pizza
3. Sushi
4. Pho

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. Venice
2. New Mexico
3. Vegas working on one of my photo projects
4. An art museum

.Four Bloggers I am tagging: Four people who send annoying forwards, be it a chain letter or some lame cripe no one wants to read. You know who you are.

Because she felt alone. Well how do you feel now that I don't care?

Cold I hope.

Never one to learn.

Feelings.

Talking hype. Whispered it in my ear. She's not your type.

Listen and forget. Twenty eight voices, I counted them just the other day.

I can steal all of your thoughts but selling them is a joke.

Having trouble remembering what it is I believed in.

Rough life. When I buried you. No, I wasn't there but I could see it in my head and it's still there. Vivid.

A little bit nauseous.

No one else knows except all of the people I told you not to tell. Not as strong.

My cadence. Dancing approbate.

May have made that up. I keep losing track, but I've said that before.

Tear

Which one is it? Cadence broken. Wings for Emily. I hate Emily.

Creation created. Stop.

In time to turn yourself in, if that's what you want. I don't know an Emily. Well maybe, but it shouldn't matter. We're just talking here. Just saying that maybe she can fly and I can dream.

Electric

That's how he felt, so I stole his thunder.

I am losing the war because I lost the memo.

Slowly stinging.

The hive

High-five. When I went blind.

It's nice that you noticed. I'm just sad I didn't notice back.

Would love to obsess again, but I think you broke me with that last number you pulled.

Register chimes

Change. And now he's sad that you sold all of his favorite miracles even after you promised you'd save him one.

Ready for all the things you never promised.

Rows of emptiness, don't bother to clear the aisles.

I'll waive my rights but not my dignity, or maybe I already have--I keep losing track.

Traction.

I dreamt you were a dream then woke up in another dream.

The day is pale. She was not pale.

Heart.

She was like an overdose and I was like a junkie.

The walls, they hate me because I won't stop staring.

Did you sing me a song when you left me here? Was I at the top of your list? Or did you have better plans? Wild nights? Adorations, but none of them belonging to me.

Stir and maybe you'll get the answer you've been looking for.

Like someone else. All I wanted was a shrine.

Sick.

Love heals lepers.

Stop staring, I don't get any clearer.

Feint.

Summoned tommorow. Nothing will break. Tasks multiplying and all I can do is be sad. I don't expect your pity, I just expect you to shut up. To stop judging me when all I need is for people to be quiet so I can listen to the voices in my head. Start a band with them. Hang out at all the places they keep telling me about and then try to translate it all here so that you can judge me some more. I can put it anywhere really. Go tagging. Rent billboards. Look at me, I'm an artist they just forgot to put me in their books. Maybe next time. Maybe some day. I'll have it my way. Right away. The right way. Highway. Gotta drive to the judges table. They're waiting. They miss you. They put out notices just the other day. Just forgot to tell you.

I'm sad and it's o.k. that you don't care. Just don't forget to kick me on the way out so I can be angry later--it's what keeps me going.

Infest what you detest. Maimed.

Bombs bringing down the temples in my heart, but I can survive. I can hold on and with my last breath show them what an explosion is really like.

Stronger meditations when night blankets the soul. In love with dreaming, sad that I'm awake.

You lied but that's o.k. because everyone lies. Some lies just hurt more than others and then some are just stupid.

Stay near in case I vomit. I want you to see how sick you make me.

Restless, I know, but I'll be done soon and we can go home. I promise, I just won't promise twice.

Moderate pain, it's the only way you'll survive. I'm sorry I became your murderer and that I wear a badge, but it's for identification purposes. So that people know who did this to them when I'm gone. It's scary, I know, but be patient and it will be done.

Borders and melancholy.

Trapped in a crowd. Could you feel my love with all of those people around us? How I picked you and knew? How I dreamt and woke up shaking only to find out it wasn't you?

Drive

l

Horror stricken heart_
bound to collapse
relapse

Tied soundly, deftly, then lowered into the lake but I don't have a sword. Swear. Pastiche. I didn't mean to do it.

Lover.

Free me from. Your hatred. If you hate me. Just hate me.

Adore me when you think I'm god-like, hate me when I'm human. Born today, devoured tommorow.

Severed dreams. Gently.

She was an ideal, but oh do I miss the illusion.

Thirsty verses.

Learn to sound the siren in your head. Hooked. Remember. Dismember. Misrepresented.

Your words only make me stronger, but still they burn--so watch your filthy mouth.

Animal.

Composure broken, but I'm still alive. Love me now, not when I'm gone. Not when you've killed me.

I in idle fields dreaming of a safer place. Sanctuary.

Thanks for the drugs. Thanks for the carbon. For the enamel. For the teeth. For the scraping.

It's o.k. if I weird you out because I won't be here for long. I am an illusion and it's time you woke up.

Keep having love affairs, it's alright. Broken window. It's alright. Watch it shatter.

Worth the price of reason. It was the season and now we're cold. My heart is a timebomb but you ignored the warning and I'm still sad. You want sensitivity when all I have are emotions and a crater from where my faith collapsed.

Forget how it feels and make yourself appear. I can't make you.

Took time.

But now you're gone. From my head. Nevermind.

Shuffle the memories and maybe the bad ones won't hurt so much when you remember them.

Still

They sting and I just want to cripple you.